To A True Friend.

In January, I sat down at my computer with a determination to change my life. I wanted to activate all of the faith that I had garnished in 2008 and I did not want to be consumed by stagnancy any longer. I came across a profile on iseecolor. The profile picture was a black and white, said she did voice over work, looked professional enough. The lady in the picture looked like she was savvy. "We'll add her, see what she has to say." Who knew that she would be instrumental in changing my person so profoundly by forcing me to confront myself and stretch the envelope, daily.

Her welcome came in the form of an Eyejot video and I thought, "that's different. Did she say that she hoped to get the opportunity to KNOW me? Felt real enough. We'll see." Then came an invite to an accountability group for "scatterbrains". Sounded like me, so I joined. Maybe that was what I'd been missing, a group of people to kick my ass into shape. On the first conference call, I was extremely nervous. It was like going to your first AA meeting. I was even more nervous as the intros were being said and I thought, "I have no place here! These people are doing real, serious shit and I am trying to be a voice over artist. These people have tangible proof of their work. I have two songs on a Myspace page. Damn." Then came a one on one call with the architect of the accountability group. Gulp. She was cool, down to earth yet energetic. Her advice was simple. Live life as though I already am that which I wish to be. The thing that was even more encouraging was the fact that she was willing to teach me what she knew. She held out her hand and offered to pull me up to her level, without ever having met me face to face. She didn't act as though she was better than me because she held information I needed. Not once did she make me feel inferior for seeking her knowledge and expertise. Immediately, she made it known that she sought to be instrumental in the achievement of my dreams and desires. I exhaled, "Thank you Lord, I'm on the right track. God you led me to someone I can trust. Someone who knows and is willing to share."

I didn't have to beg. I didn't have to offer her my first born child. She never asked me for a dime. She never tried to make me feel bad because I didn't have a dime. She sat next to me and opened her mind and told me that I was privy to everything that was within. That meant more than she will know. I admire her spirit. She is my mentor, though she may not even have the knowledge that she is so. She is my friend, though she has never shaken my hand. She is my sister, though we don't share mother or father. She is now part of me. I shall carry her with me always. Thank you, Mari!

What Love Can Do.

I am in such an awesome place right now. It's been coming for a while. All of 2008 was a preparation for this moment in 2009. Amazing.

See, as 2007 came to a close, I had faith that 2008 would begin a whole new life for me. There were a lot of things that happened as 2008 unfolded that could have led me to believe that I was failing. There were more than enough reasons, as 2008 rolled on, to despair and feel like a was floundering. However, I fought to keep the faith.

Now, in 2009 I stand poised to have everything that I have ever envisioned, professionally and personally. I am waking up inspired and ready to take on the world. I am full of an energy that I haven't had in a long time. I could tell you any number of reasons why I feel so good but I think the major reason is LOVE.

I am in love again y'all!! I'm basking in the glow of my greatest muse. I feel like writing songs again. I feel like writing poems again. I feel like sangin' every single day. I feel like sending up some praise! Even better than being in love, is that fact that I am being loved in return.

Let me tell you something!! When you spend a lot of years loving and emotionally investing in people who don't know love, it drains you. When you spend day in and day out trying to show people that they are worth being loved and they don't know that for themselves, it can suck all your positive energy. However, when you put that to the side and realize that people have their own learning curve and you can't be responsible for their redemption or salvation, you can focus on your own purpose and happiness. You can find those who embrace you just as you are, don't want you to be anyone else, see your worth and want to elevate and appreciate you. That's where I am!!

I have found someone who loves and appreciates me for the wonderful me I've come to be. I'm not being asked to feel different, think different or act contrary to my nature. I am being celebrated because I am beautiful, smart, funny, compassionate and creative. Someone is taking the time to say, "hey, I see you and I want us to take this journey of life together." That feels wonderful because I can stop holding up the banner all alone. Someone wants me to relax, relate and release; resting assured that they will keep watch while my head is bowed. That's what love can do.

I hate to preach about it but it feels mighty good! If you don't know what I'm speaking about, then my suggestion is that you change your focus. "Stop making someone a priority when they only make you an option." Start thinking about what you have been annointed to do and start categorizing people as to whether they are holding you back or thrusting you ahead. It might be time to shake some trees and get rid of some dead limbs. Start dealing with people who challenge you in the spirit of building you up, rather than tearing you down. Stop spending all your energy on people who don't know how to love themselves, trust me they will not know how to love you! Get back to loving and nurturing your spirit, it needs you!