Who Loves You Babe?

Lately, I've been thinking. From time to time, I get sentimental. I lament the time I have lost in many areas of my life. I abhor the thought of losing any more. I observe. I ponder why so many spend so much time being unhappy and I reflect on how easy it is to wallow in self pity, doubt and negativity. Then I think about love and what I have felt like in it.

Love has been my reason for doing most things in my life. I realize that beyond a shadow of a doubt. If ever backed into any corner, that little woman that sits on my shoulder only needs to whisper "do it for love" and I spring into action. I only wish there had been more times that I acted on my love for myself.

For love, I have made a complete ass of myself, on more than one occasion. With very little effort, I remember the first time I looked like a fool for the sake of love. I shall not recount the episode simply because the details are irrelevant. What I will say is that as I have lived I have sought never to repeat the circumstance but the feeling has continued to be a major theme in my life.

I like to think that I am not cynical when it comes to this thing called love. However, I realize that very few really know what it is. Of course, it all comes down to the concept of reciprocity. Therein lies the problem. Most people find themselves in love with people who are incapable of loving them in return, at least in the ways that they wish to be loved. Further, they refuse to accept this fact. So, people remain in relationships and entanglements with those who will never be what they truly desire. However, they wish and try to change those that they love. Perhaps it makes more sense to pull up the stakes and break camp. However, there is that one thing that so often gets mentioned in the talk of love; hope.

So, lately I have been thinking. I have been thinking how thankful I am to have loved. I understand what it means to love people from a place that is so spiritual that it has to be divine. It is a love that seeks nothing in return. It is a love that is full of hope yet void of expectation. There is a difference.

So, when I sit with you and ask that you just enjoy a moment with me, I am not asking you to contemplate what we will mean to each other tomorrow. After all, tomorrow may never come. I am looking to capture your smile for posterity. I am looking to clasp your hand in mine so that I can later recall the warmth of that touch on a day when life's coldest wind is blowing. I am wishing to encapsulate all of the things that bring me joy. I am also hoping that all those little things show in some small way just how much someone loves you.

Self Saboteur.

I'm just a singular person in this world. I don't know everything, though, I strive to learn as much as possible. I make tons of mistakes; most of them before I get my morning cup of coffee. I don't bad things to good people and had bad things done to me. I've been selfish when I should have been generous. I been giving when I should have kept some things for myself. I guess that is the way of life. What always give me pause is how it is in some people's nature to ruin any and everything good in their lives.

We've all seen this people. They get an advantage and then seem hell-bent on losing it. Example, they meet a person who is positioned to help them get the job they really desire and they never make the necessary phone call. It is a sad occurrence that happens all too often.

I have found, for my part, that most of the issue is in my self image. I often have felt that I was undeserving of certain successes. Actually, I have hardly ever felt prepared or worthy of many of the opportunities I have had. Until recently, I would have categorized myself as flighty and lazy. As I have begun to reevaluate my thoughts and actions, I can say that I am neither of those. However, being given those labels since childhood, it was easier to believe those things about myself than do a real assessment. In fact, I am dedicated and diligent when it comes to those things that I am passionate about. Nonetheless, the negative connotations have been the ones that I have persistently clung to. Therefore, whenever success has been on the horizon I have looked at it as something that is not meant for me; the flighty, lazy one.

I daresay that I am not the only person for whom this is the case. I would venture that most of us have similar hang-ups and embedded programming that hold us back. I think, though, it is time for us all to get a grip. It is high time for everyone to define themselves for themselves. There is far more to be gained than there is to lose. Are you with me?