I Am What I Say I Am

I've heard a million times that perception becomes reality. Of course, since I am like most people, I don't truly contemplate a statement in depth upon first hearing it. I must be forced to think on things after a series of events. Recently, I have begun to think on the concept of self-perception. More directly, the question of how my view of self has bearing on my circumstances.

This past Sunday, I had a conversation with a colleague in which we were able to discuss the belief that everything we do and experience flows out of our inner desires and visions. More specifically, the concept that you can not outwardly manifest anything that is not already existing in you. Now, this conversation became extremely personal because for years I have been striving to be something. However, that which I have been striving to become has never been who I was. For some reason or the other, generally my own preconceived notions, I could not reasonibly claim a title that I could not identify with. I mean, I could not call myself a doctor if I have not done the proper training and study for the job. So, that is how I have looked at my career in music. There is a vast distinction, though! I HAVE trained and studied in my field. I have taken the stage and stepped into the studio booths and laid down vocals. I have had the rehearsals necessary to hone my craft. I have studied the masters that I have sought to emulate. I have spent years doing the work, despite the fact that the compensation has been more miniscule than I had hoped. However, because I have never perceived myself as a professional singer, I have never placed it on any resume. The question, after evaluating this stance, became whether this inability to declare myself as a professional singer has kept me from becoming a professional singer.

My answer...I think it has. I think once we declare what we are, our actions then turn to living up to the declaration. Whereas, I have spent the entirity of my adult life trying to decide what I am going to be, largely due to the views and influence of others. Therefore, my attention has never been fully devoted to being what I already am. I know, I'M CONFUSING SOMEONE.

Okay, here's the long and the short of it...until you properly define who you are and what you want, you cannot actually live by your own terms. If you don't declare your role in life, you are just blowing whichever way the wind takes you. You are ultimately allowing things to just constantly happen around you, while you try to adapt to them all. Once you declare what it is you are, you begin walking a much narrower path. You don't get taken in by every little thing that happens. I have been a singer since I was six years old. That was when I started studying my craft, singing for people, practicing everyday. My inability to declare myself as such has put me in a place that I haven't taken myself seriously. As we know, if you don't take yourself seriously, no one else will!

So, what have I learned? It is time for me to live the life that already exists inside me. All the things that I already am are the things that I must be. I don't need anyone's approval or permission. I've been endowed with certain talents and visions that I need to utilize right now. Things just got serious!